At class today, well it's a Human Relation lecture. our topic today was conflict, conflict in an organization, within yourself and among family and friends. well, some people have conflict to mix around. and so, i gave my example, which is about me myself. i do realize that sometime, i think i am a chameleon. not that i can change colour, but i can change, well, i donno how to put this on words. i change when i mix around different people. say, i mingle with this group, and they are socialize. they talk about perfume, bags,shoes,make up,movies bla bla bla.... they are bubbly and fun to be with. so, i, of course totally talk like 'em, dress like 'em and so on. but i do too hang out with the other group, and this group is like "saint". they religious, neat,naive and maybe, just maybe, a little, i repeat A LITTLE nerdy, well i guess. so, when i was with these people, i also talk like 'em, n its not difficult for me, because i used to be one. very neat, very pure, i didn't seat next to guy, i dressed very, well not showing even a 'lil skin, or tight dress (not that i do now), but i was unfashionable, no make up, no interest in shoes and so on.
well, the thing is, its like a burden, when some people think I'm hypocrite. actually that's not my real conflict, 'coz sometime i thought that way too about myself. the problem is, when people have expectation on me. they expect for me to be like, sainted like 'em. while they other group might think that it was not cool to be friend with this "girl next door" group. the thing is, i like making friends. i love to have variety of friends, bcoz, i don't have to be like 'em to understand their world, their lifestyle and so on. but, i can't deny that i do adapt some attribute from my friends, and sadly, i took the negative one. i dress like 'em, it okay. it's cool to be, u know, a 'lil fashionable, but, wow, i used to wear socks and hand sock, but now i don't, i used to be so moderate, now i still do, but, kinda change too. not that i blame anyone for what i become, i just want people to know, this is me. i wasn't change, i just be more brave to show 'em the real Ruby.
when i was in Law Foundation, there was a girl, my roommate. i amaze by her, we were totally different people with different attitude,different lifestyle,different background and almost different in everything. but this girl, till today is one and only person that can see through me that there is another girl inside me that is totally different with my appearance. it was like she knew my "dark side". not really dark, but different from who i was. when i was in my Foundation, i make friends with good and very nice girls in my class. they are so decent, yes, that's the real word i was looking for. DECENT. my problem was, like I'd mention, as i was and am a chameleon, i show 'em what they want to see. my decent side, well actually i wasn't pretending. that was and is me. it just that, i change a bit or... a lot, whatever. it hard for me when people have expectation. maybe they thought that way because of my name. Rabiatul Adawiyah. it's a name of a very religious woman, a "Sufi", one and only woman "Sufi". and, i admit, the way, i behave always derived from the name that i have. it's a shame for me if i behave like a girl who doesn't show the meaning of her name, and they are right, when they said, name is a pray. when u call a person with a name, u are praying for them (we believe that every name have a meaning). my name means, "a very religious woman" (well actually, i think that's a name from a religious woman), maybe that's the reason i was decent, while now people call me Ruby, (my teacher call me by that name bcoz there was a series of Mexican telenovella, Rubi). well, this Rubi, was a decent girl too, a pauper, but she change to be greedy and mean, she willing to do anything, even betray her BFF and lover. well, maybe now, the reason that i am not so decent anymore. hahaha. but it could. doesn't it?
well, the thing is, its like a burden, when some people think I'm hypocrite. actually that's not my real conflict, 'coz sometime i thought that way too about myself. the problem is, when people have expectation on me. they expect for me to be like, sainted like 'em. while they other group might think that it was not cool to be friend with this "girl next door" group. the thing is, i like making friends. i love to have variety of friends, bcoz, i don't have to be like 'em to understand their world, their lifestyle and so on. but, i can't deny that i do adapt some attribute from my friends, and sadly, i took the negative one. i dress like 'em, it okay. it's cool to be, u know, a 'lil fashionable, but, wow, i used to wear socks and hand sock, but now i don't, i used to be so moderate, now i still do, but, kinda change too. not that i blame anyone for what i become, i just want people to know, this is me. i wasn't change, i just be more brave to show 'em the real Ruby.
when i was in Law Foundation, there was a girl, my roommate. i amaze by her, we were totally different people with different attitude,different lifestyle,different background and almost different in everything. but this girl, till today is one and only person that can see through me that there is another girl inside me that is totally different with my appearance. it was like she knew my "dark side". not really dark, but different from who i was. when i was in my Foundation, i make friends with good and very nice girls in my class. they are so decent, yes, that's the real word i was looking for. DECENT. my problem was, like I'd mention, as i was and am a chameleon, i show 'em what they want to see. my decent side, well actually i wasn't pretending. that was and is me. it just that, i change a bit or... a lot, whatever. it hard for me when people have expectation. maybe they thought that way because of my name. Rabiatul Adawiyah. it's a name of a very religious woman, a "Sufi", one and only woman "Sufi". and, i admit, the way, i behave always derived from the name that i have. it's a shame for me if i behave like a girl who doesn't show the meaning of her name, and they are right, when they said, name is a pray. when u call a person with a name, u are praying for them (we believe that every name have a meaning). my name means, "a very religious woman" (well actually, i think that's a name from a religious woman), maybe that's the reason i was decent, while now people call me Ruby, (my teacher call me by that name bcoz there was a series of Mexican telenovella, Rubi). well, this Rubi, was a decent girl too, a pauper, but she change to be greedy and mean, she willing to do anything, even betray her BFF and lover. well, maybe now, the reason that i am not so decent anymore. hahaha. but it could. doesn't it?
